Friday, April 1, 2011

Where is YOUR voice...

I wasn't going to even blog about this, or how I would approach the subject without it sounding like a bashing session.   But, we need change.  By "WE", I mean all of us.  Every single person who walks the face of earth.  It is time for us to stand up and take action.  Be accountable.  Have a voice.  Do the right thing. 

Have you ever seen that show "What would you do", actors in malls, restaurants, on the streets; pushing the limit to see if America will stand up and defend the weak.  The one who is being abused.  It might be a child, a woman, a man, the elderly, a man or woman getting into a car attempting to drive while drunk.  All of this done, in public places.  To see the reaction of the people.  Who will step in and protect the unknowing.  Sure, most of us would step in if someone on the street was being attacked, or I like to think most of us would.  If a child was being taken from the local shopping center, you would step in; right?  How about if a man or woman was getting into their car,  you notice they were drunk; there is a child in the back seat... Would you step in, talk the parent out of driving?  I am a talker, and pretty hard headed.  So, I know I would do what ever it would take to prevent someone from being the victim.  It makes me mad to hear a man belittle a woman. Or a mother get short with their child.  Even a father, who might have had good intentions by taking his child to the park; but who has jumped into a lengthy conversation with a friend, and never sees that his child has wondered away from him.   If we aren't looking out for each other... then who is?  When does it end?  Where does it stop?

This weekend I was received a phone call by someone very close to me, she was involved in an Domestic Violence Incident.  Now, I was not at the location of said violence; so I couldn't tell you what happened, and even if I was.. there is an ongoing investigation, so I wouldn't be able to share anything with you anyways.  What upsets me about Domestic Violence, out side of knowing the people;  is the children.  Not just these children, but all the children across the world; who see.. listen.. and deal with Domestic Violence every day.  When did we, as people, start turning our heads the other way? 

Abuse is just that ~ Abuse.  No matter where you move to.  No matter how you dress it up.  No matter what you promise.  All the gifts.  All the cards.  All the flowers.  All the "I'm Sorry".  Nothing will ever change what Abuse is.  Nothing will never change the scars.  As adults, the only person who can control abuse.. is YOU.  Not one single person can make it right.  No one can take it back.  No one can explain why.  Change has to come from, YOU.  If you are the abuser; get help, because you really do need it.  If you are the victim, get out.  The only person who has control over you.. is YOU.  

I want to talk about the victims, who don't have a voice.  The ones who watch, with out saying a word.  Those who, when you least expect it, are being educated to be just like you.  Now, I am not native to the fact that there are women who abuse also.  So, I don't want anyone to think that this is a Men Bashing Blog; cause it's not.  I am hoping this blog with open the eyes of someone who, doesn't even realize they are in over their head.  Maybe some one who wonders why their child is acting out.  Wetting the bed weeks or even months after the fight between his or her parents.  Why the sparkle in their children eyes is gone. 

* The Audience *
 The word Abuse is big.  Ever notice the many faces of Abuse?  Let me share with you some of them: There is Physical Abuse, Metal Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Verbal Abuse, Sexual Abuse.  And these are just the ones I can name off the top pf my head.  Have you ever looked the word Abuse up in the Dictionary?  It comes with quite an array.  The point I am trying to make is, Abuse doesn't have to leave a black or blue mark.  It doesn't have to black your eye; or leave you with a physical reminder.   To the ones watching; the children, it goes much deeper then physical.  It last a whole lot longer then the weeks after.  In fact, it might not surface again until that child, the one who lives in house with Domestic Violence, starts to date.  One day, you will hear your child say to their friends "I cant go, because he wont let me" ~ and she will be speaking of her boyfriend, not her parents.  Or you might hear "I have to visit with you, while she is away with her family.  She doesn't like me to hang out with my friends." ~ and he will be speaking of his girl friend, and not of his parents.  This is what WE are teaching our children.  That control isn't ours, but belongs to someone else.  That having a voice of their own, is a bad thing.  Is it no wonder, why so many children don't come to their parents with a problem? 

* Your home is ~ The Child's Classroom *
From "Abuse ~ {Verb} to use wrongly or improperly; misuse... to treat in a harmful, injurious, or offensive way... to speak insultingly,{Noun}~ harshly, and unjustly to or about... to deceive or mislead... harshly or coarsely insulting language... bad or improper treatment... 

Abuse  implies an outburst of harsh and scathing words against another
  (often one who is defenseless): 
 abuse directed against an opponent. 
 Censure  implies blame, adverse criticism, 
or hostile condemnation:  
severe censure of acts showing bad judgment."
 The next time you start to scream at your husband, notice where your children are.  The next time you pick up that plate to throw, notice where your children are.  The next time you reach to grab your wife, notice where your children are.  The next time you decide to belittle your spouse, notice where your children are.  

Our children are what WE make them.  They learn from US.  They act as WE have taught them.  They do as WE do.  Little girls want to wear make up, because they see Mommy wear it.  Little boys want to carry a wallet, because they see daddy carry one.  Ever notice, how your child wants to be apart of helping you clean the house,  wanting a dusting rag to.  Or when you are working on the car, ever notice that they want to help also.  Your child's first teacher, is YOU.  Their first classroom, is YOUR house. 
* When YOU are broken... So are they *

Take the time to notice.  Because before you know it, your child will be in YOUR shoes.  They will be living YOUR life, years later.  The next child who has hidden battle scars, could be YOUR grand child.  

* They need your voice *
When you hear a couple fighting next door; and their child is screaming for the fighting to stop, thinking it is not your problem isn't going to cut it anymore... Cause YOUR child could marry that child one day.  When you see a man grab a women in public, and you turn the other way thinking it doesn't concern you, think again... cause YOUR child will learn that there isn't any hope and no one will care if it were to happen to them.  When someone reaches out to you for help, and you shy away from them because you just don't want to get involved, think again.. cause YOUR child will never reach out to you in their time of need. 
* It's time to break the cycle *

History will repeat it's self.  Children who grow up in Abusive homes, will find themselves in abusive relationships.  They will be the abuser.  They will be the Victim.  Don't you think it is time to break the cycle... For the sake of our children...  For the sake of YOUR children.  

I would like to share this link with you, and highlight a few of the facts listed, please take the time to review the link for yourself.  The child you could be helping out of an abusive relationship, could be your own.

* In a national survey of over 6,000 families, researchers found that 50% of the men who frequently assaulted their wives also frequently assaulted their children.  Among hospitalized child abuse cases, 59% of mothers of abused children have been found to be beaten by their male partners.
* Domestic violence and child abuse take a devastating toll on children and society at large. Early childhood victimization, either through direct abuse, neglect, or witnessing parental domestic violence, has been shown to have demonstrable long-term consequences for youth violence, adult violent behaviors, and other forms of criminality.
* In fact, the U.S. Advisory Board on Child Abuse and Neglect suggests that domestic violence may be the single major precursor to child abuse and neglect fatalities in this country.
* Children whose mothers are abused sometimes suffer at the hands of their mothers as well. One study found that the rate of child abuse by mothers who were beaten is at least double that of mothers whose husbands did not assault them.
* Researchers have also found that men who as children witnessed their parents' domestic violence were twice as likely to abuse their own wives than sons of nonviolent parents.13 A significant proportion of abusive husbands grew up in families where they witnessed their mothers being beaten. Clearly, domestic violence and child abuse are spawning grounds for the next generation of abusers, as well as for violent juveniles. 
* Data from a 1995 Gallup Poll of family violence suggest that from 1.5 million to 3.3 million children witness parental domestic violence each year. These are sobering statistics in light of the known impact of child abuse and witnessing domestic violence on each child, the social costs associated with it.
* Finally, a significant portion of child abusers, domestic violence perpetrators, and violent juvenile offenders grew up being abused themselves and/or witnessing their parents' domestic violence.

This Web site has alot more information, but it brings home the point I wanted to make.  Children do as WE do.  

* Stop Domestic Violence *
Is enough, enough yet?  Are you the voice for a child? 

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