Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Heart Attack coming to Dallas...

There was a time, in my younger years, where stopping at the local fast food joint was the greatest thing.  Maybe with a group of family members... after a long day shopping with your mother.  A quick Chocolate shake in the heat of summer.  I can remember, there being nothing like the thin hot french fries of McDonald's.  Right?  I know you have had the same cravings.  Fresh out of the oil, as you watch the employee shake salt over the batch, you feel your mouth begin to water.  Hmm.  I can taste them now.  Can you? 

Well, that was in my younger years.  Before high blood pressure, and water retention.  You know what I am talking about.  Lets not pretend.  Boy, if I knew 28 years ago what I know today; I would have left the quick stops at fast food joints alone.  Or just ate smarter.  OK. OK.  If I had LISTENED then.. that would be more accurate. 
Me and my first born. 1983

Of course, when you are younger; you know everything.  The world is at your finger tips, and the saying "I seem to burn off fat faster then most" becomes a common wish.  One that you wish in your late 40's, were still true.  When the second child is born, you notice it is a little harder to burn off the "extra" baby fat.  But, with a little time, it does come off.  By the time the third, and last child arrives; well you feel all is lost.  Some how, you can no longer fit into the skinny jeans, and you begin to wonder if you even care.  Oh man let me tell you, life was a roller coaster ride for me.  I rode and ride the weight coaster till this very day.  But I am working on it, each day is a new day.

2001, 10 Yrs ago ~ My first grand baby, Garrett, is born. 

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Two Peas in a Pod..

The ~ I want it first look..
I can't quite remember.  So, I am not to sure how much competition  there was between my sisters and myself. With my grand daughters, Jayla and Arianna ~ I find there is alot.  Seems no matter what Jayla has, Arianna wants it.  And no matter what Arianna has, Jayla wants it.  Regardless of how old the toy may be, or how young it maybe, there is some kind of competition going on between the two of them.   

Pretending to sleep... They do love being together.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

My colorful soul....

I have to share my latest addition with everyone..

I know  It's not furniture.

Or anything for the Bathroom or Kitchen. 

Not even for my bedroom. 

This is for my soul....  I hope you enjoy them.

I couldn't past up their beauty.   The way they made me feel inside...

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

The voice of .. Eli

There is something about shopping for myself, you may not know;  I hate it.  Now, not many women feel that way, I realize this.  But I really hate spending money on myself.  I could find so much more to do with that money.  Things for the house maybe.  Extra clothing for the grand children.  Items for my children.  But shopping for me personally, I would rather eat dirt then shop.  OK, maybe not dirt.

ME.. and I love the hair cut/color..
Today Tabitha, Eli, and myself went shopping.  It was so pretty outside.  There was a breeze, the sun was out, the sky was perfectly blue.  It was a great day. 

The first stop was Walmart in Waxahachie, they have the cell phone I was looking for.  While we were there, we did some shopping for my New York trip.  Nothing like trying on different outfits.. again,  I hated it.  But, what we picked out is awesome.   Nothing to dressy, no heels,  just relaxing spring outfits.  Fitting,  for visiting and taking in the sites. Thanks to Tabitha, and all her help.
Tabitha.. Cant get enough of her..

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Spring.. Don't you just love it...

I love spring..   The colorful  flowers..     Shorts and tank-tops...   Bright nail polish..    New Flip Flops...   and the girls gather together.      Yep, there is nothing like Spring. 

The part I love the most,  is the flowers..  Walking into a room with fresh cut flowers, sitting on the table, just brightens the room..    Makes it happy.     Today I picked up wild flowers.  The site of them on my living room table,   just warms my heart...

Fresh Flowers

Just look at those colors...

Monday, March 21, 2011

A Gift from my son, be still my heart..

There is nothing in life, as a parent, that could compare to a gift from a child.  

My son ~ James 

 A Gift from YOUR Child...

When your child is small, and they bring you weeds as flowers.. All three of my children have done this.

Or, when you are sitting at the dining room table, and your child brings you worms... Tabitha did this. 

My Eldest ~ Tabitha

How about when the newest member of the family is a lizard, and you find it in the kitchen.. Yeah, both of my girls have done that.  

Then there is the snake that just couldn't be lived with out, and you come home to find it has gotten out of the cage.. oh yeah.  and it is hiding in the knob section of your range.. That was fun, and a wonderful gift from my son...

My youngest ~ Ashley

 The cups full of Rollie Pollies, that just had to be rescued... Ashley found plenty of these...

Still, there is nothing like getting gifts from your child.

I makes you feel complete.  Proud. 
I wrote a Blog ~ A Navy Mom is Born...  The title my son gave me in June of 2008.  It is about the battle of being proud and scared to death.  Supporting and falling apart.  Just a peek into what being a Military Mother is like... You can read the Blog by clicking the link {to the right of this Blog} under "Awed by these Archived".. just look for "A Navy Mom is Born".  

Anyway, when my son read my Blog, he sent me  {What I Call}  a poem.. and it could even be versus of a song, I dont care.. because no matter where the words came from..

It was the greatest thing I could have ever gotten. 

The words are his.. The ones he sent to me... I read them while my daughter Tabitha was here... And it was all I could to to keep the tears back...  I was thought of...

I have the Navy image saved as a picture, and when I seen these words.. I knew I had to have the image as a background. 

It turned out perfect.  

Yesterday I found the perfect wood frame.  It will hang over my desk.. So I can read it every day.. 

Thank you son.. No one will every know what you truly mean to me..  I love you so much..  You bring me the greatest joy a parent could ever know...

~ Love you tons ~ Mom

Sunday, March 20, 2011

A Blue Star ~ A Gold Star.. And the family behind them..

War.  It never ends well.  No matter who wins.  No matter what side is right or wrong.  It never ends well.  

I don't want you to miss understand me.  I fully support our troops.  I stand behind them one hundred percent.  Mail packages around the world in support.  But to fully understand me.  What I mean by, It never ends well.  You'll have to sit for a while.  Hear me out.  Understand where I am coming from.  It is a long Blog, but the story is unforgettable

~ Blue Star ~


This is me.  This is my definition.  My standing in the Military Community.   The Blue Star.  Hung proudly in windows across America. Hanging proudly in my window, today.   Honor.  Courage.  Commitment.  Not only does the Soldier or Sailor serve, so does the family.  This Blue Star means, actively serving during war time. Once you are a Blue Star, you are always a Blue Star.  War or not. 

My son ~ James

Let us not pray to be sheltered from dangers but to be fearless when facing them.
- Rabindranath Tagore

I will always be a Blue Star Mother, even when my son is on longer serving actively.   When our troops all come home, I will still be a Blue Star Mother.  It is a symbol of Pride.  Warmth.   Hope.  Comfort.   Unconditional love and understanding, can be found where this Blue Star hangs.  A Friend for life.  My son made me a Blue Star Mother. 

Saturday, March 19, 2011

A Battle. Brave Soul. Victory.

Armed with a vacuum.... A golf Club... A chair..... and two buckets.... I headed out for battle.  Where oh where were my Men in Black, with their high powered guns and tracking whit.  Has anyone seen them?!!

Good Fighting Bissell !!

I have had enough.  No more banging on my front door.  No more looking around corners and down the hallway.  I was taking my life back.  One way or the other.. The eviction papers were being served, and my Unwanted Guest was leaving.  With my great tracking abilities {Um, none}, and the fearless Armor I was wearing {Yeah, right; guess again,} I headed into battle.  Vacuum in one hand, Golf club in the other, and two buckets close by.  I march onto the battle field.  If I had a hard hat, shin guards, elbow guards, and a face mask; I would have worn them too.   No matter where I went, I turned on the vacuum. There wasn't anything to suck up, but I figured the noise would scare the day lights out of my Unwanted Guest, and just maybe it would run off, to some place else.  Any place else.

I had already planted my ammunition weeks before hand.  Three live traps to catch the beast.  A sticky one with tasty food.  And 6 bags of One Bite Bombs, one bite and it was history.  Oh yeah, I had it all figured out.  Victory was mine {wild woman laughs}, I would claim my land rights, my name would be flashing in neon lights all over the world, people would throw flowers at my feet.  

This was in the bag. 
I got this.

Decorating ~ Speaks of who we are...

"We're not just looking at beauty
or appreciating it from a
distance, we are making it ours."
~ Thomas Kinkade

I picked these up at Cracker Barrel the day I visited Cameron Park Zoo.  As I stated in my past blog "Oh goodness; what big teeth you have", I love Cracker Barrel.  Not only for the food, but for the store they have and the wonderful decorations hanging throughout the restaurant.  I could not wait to get home, and place the new addition on my dining room table.    Wonderful, how all the words are facing up, and just the perfect touch to my apartment.  Don't you think?  

I also added this to my kitchen, on the same day.  There is just something about roosters in the kitchen, and not just any type of Rooster; rather vintage Roosters are best for me.  I picked up this set at Cracker Barrel as well.  I'm not a cook mind you, and surely don't pretend to be; I just knew it would be a wonderful addition to my apartment.  I can now decorate the rest of my kitchen around these 4 pieces. 

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Oh goodness; what BIG teeth you have...

With Spring in the air, such as Spring Break and Spring Forward {as we did Sunday with our clocks}, Tabitha and I are taking the boys to Cameron Park Zoo.  Accurately speaking, Tabitha is driving and I am tagging along.  Yay, I have never been to Cameron Park Zoo and I am looking forward to seeing it.  Plus, Eli has never looked upon anything other then their dog... this will be fun!!

What a day.  I had so much fun.  Tabitha, the boys, and I left Hillsboro at 8:00 am.  "The parking lot at Cameron Park Zoo isn't very big, and I want to park by the entrance, so we have to leave early" Tabitha said.  "As we head out" She continued "We'll stop and get the boys and myself donuts.  I Don't know if you want anything from there, but we can go to where ever you want to, and then head to Waco"   After telling Tabitha and Garrett, about my Mouse dance {another blog} and listen to Garrett laugh, it hit me.  Starbucks is in the same parking lot as the Donuts place.. wonderful!!  We were pulling out with breakfast for everyone, I had a Large White Chocolate Moca, and a blueberry muffin from Starbucks.. Heaven.  It wasn't to long before we were parking at Cameron Park Zoo and heading toward the entrance.

Garrett and Eli {Eli's first Zoo Visit}

There was so much to see.  Eli pointed to everything...  Trying to take it all in.  I don't know what took me so long to visit this Zoo!!  I think if Eli could have, he would have been shouting "Ook"..  He was so cute pointing.
Point to the water, ducks, and fish..
"Hey, look at the bass"..

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Boots. Hats. Chaps. Oh My!!

Here I have been, in Texas for 2 years now, and I've yet to attend a rodeo.  How has that happen?
To top if off, I don't have a single pair of cowgirl boots.. Now, how does some one move to the state of longhorn bulls, corn fields, wheat, and farming.. yet never shop for boots?  I think there should be a Cowgirl  Cowboy Check point when driving into Texas.  Lets, not forget, a Get Her Done Shop, so we will be well equipped when we enter the Lone Star State.   Some one who can tell people, like me, what is needed.. and of course stay with them so they get the proper items. 

 Have you looked at boots lately.  I mean, what are the right and wrong boots?  What is the right and wrong color?  Goodness sakes..  There are so many to choose from, I was bug eyed trying to take it all in.

I love the pink ones!!

I thought about this today.. Is there a particular style of boots a girl {who knows nothing about ranches, bulls, farming or, has even stepped onto a rodeo} needs to buy?  I mean, I don't really have anyplace to wear them to.  But, I might one day.  Who know, Maybe I will research out a rodeo, spend the day on a ranch.. something. I just think, maybe I should have boots, or a hat of some kind.  You know?

These are awesome!

So, what is the correct boot?  And hats, man sakes alive!! There are to many of them to pick from.  And I haven't even entered the store yet.  I wanted to see what I was in for, so I surfed the internet, maybe that was a bad idea.  Now, I am sure it wouldn't be a good idea to wrestle  a cow or bull {which ever you wrestle} in boots like these {only cause I've never seen anyone in the movies with these on}but, would it be pointy, or square, or maybe even round boots? Cause there was a real cute pair of heel boots that I seen online.  

Sunday, March 13, 2011


Sundays are my favorite day of the week.  The perfect day to relax.  Day dream.  Reflect. Look back, to the days of the past.    It is that, of which I bring you today.  Days of Yesteryear.  I read some more of my book "Love Letters of Great Men."  It is  book that was mentioned  in Sex and The City 2; The Move, and I was moved to find, that men of those days.. sat with pen and paper in hand, writing to the women that captured their hearts.  OK, so I am a hopeless romantic.  Yes.  I am.

This was one of three love letters Beethoven had written:

Your love has made me the happiest
and unhappiest at the same time.  At
my actual age I should need some continuity,
Ludwig van Beethoven
sameness of life ~ 
can that exist under our circumstanced?
Angle, I just hear that the post goes out every day
and must close therefore, so you get the L.
at once.  Be clam ~ love me ~ today ~ yesterday.
What longing in tears for you 
You ~ my Life
My All ~ farewell
oh, go on loving me
never doudt the faith
fullest heart 
of your beloved
Ever thine.
Ever mine.
Ever ours.

Sammy Davis Jr.

I listened to old songs I remembered; 
Candy Man, was the first song I looked up.
I remember, as a little girl, I would watch him on TV.  
 Everyone loved him and his music.  Revisited, The Rat Pack.  Watched video on Youtube of the three greats, Sammy, Frank, and Dean.. singing together. 

Forbidden.. Undying..Tragic.. Love.

"Who knows if you have ever written the words "Amore"
on a blank sheet of paper, just look at it, without any
particular reason?  I have:  those five letters fill the page.  I
am in love!  There, I've said it all, but it is not enough....
Each person will write to tell you of their feelings in
a different way, because each of us is different.  Yet, if
you look closely, you will see the same luminous, happy
expression that unites all of those in love...
Gina R, Brescia,  Italy"

The above quote, was written to Club di Giulietta. A personal letter sent to Juliet herself. My blog today is, of a book I read, and fell in love with. Now, most have seen the movie, yes? But how many have read the book that inspired the movie. The true story of Lise Friedman & Ceil Friedman. Sisters who, read a letter that inspired them to travel to Verona, Italy; where they embarked on a vision that would change their lives forever.

I, in fact, never knew that there was a Club di Giulietta.. that so many people of long ago, sent their letters of either great loves, or loves in great parallel, to Juliet. Praying for, Guidance. Hope. Understanding. Reaching out to a young lady, who had felt love so great, that she took her own life; to forever be joined with her Romeo.

Letters, that have been arriving at Club di Giulietta {a volunteer organization}, where the secretaries, for seven decades, carefully read and respond to each and every letter. "At one time, more then one person, has replied to these letters since the 1930's".. a quote taken directly from the book.

Of the two sisters, Ceil had already found her Romeo and moved to Verona years earlier. They {the sisters} kept in contact with one another, through modern technology, emails. Sharing the simple tasks of their daily lives. Recounting stories of their children, grandchildren, and of course the desire to work together. It was when they read the above letter, they realized they had to find out more.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Values.. Morals.. and Me.

My Grandmother.. How I do miss her.

 Today I went to our towns Antique and Craft show, it was held at our local mall, Hillsboro Outlets.  I fell in love with the Antique items, Vintage shoes,  the refurbished old cars, and then something happened: 

I was brought back to another place and time.  It made me think and question a few things.. Not about myself, but about change.  I know I said it before, and more then ever, It rang true today .. I have an old soul.  I can't help it, and frankly, I don't want to. It's who I am.  There are things in life, I just wont give up.  I refuse to give up.

I love Antiques hats...
: values especially of a traditional or conservative kind which are held to promote the sound functioning of the family and to strengthen the fabric of society.
of or relating to principles of right and wrong in behavior : ethical <moral judgments> b : expressing or teaching a conception of right behavior <a moral poem> c : conforming to a standard of right behavior d : sanctioned by or operative on one's conscience or ethical judgment <a moral obligation> e : capable of right and wrong action <a moral agent>

Now, who am I to judge anyone? No body.  And this is not a judgment blog.   This is about me, and what I feel.. and no one else.  Now that we got that out in the open, lets continue....
To answer the lingering question.. have I heard from Wolverine?  The answer is No.  And I am perfectly fine with that..  As it turns out, we weren't on the same playing field.   That doesn't mean he was a bad person, or did something to me.  It simply means, we have different Values and Morals.  And I  have no intentions of swaying from mine. 
Just loves these shoes...
I like the whole Courting idea.. a gentleman comes calling and takes a lady out... He is in fact a Gentleman, and when the night is through, unless the lady invites him in for coffee or a night cap, he escorts her to the door, and sees to it that she enters safely.. and politely walks away.  Even if she, in fact invites him in, the term coffee or drinks (night cap), means just that.
I like it when a man knocks on my door for me properly.  Whats with all the horn blowing these days anyway.  What happened to showing respect to the lady.  Park your car, and walk to my front door, then knock.  Polity escort me to the car, open the door, and when I am seated, close the door.  It seems like men have gotten away from this, and women are just fine with that.  
Old Fashion, I am not.  If you both are taking the next step together, and you have come to the conclusion that you both are in fact a couple, then proceed with your relationship. And that, by far, means you should stop showing respect to the lady.   I don't like unannounced visits by men callers.  I think it is in poor taste.  A women should be aware when a man plans on visiting. I don't think a woman should call on a man either, it doesn't look good, and could send the wrong message... not only to the man, but also to the neighbors watching.

Vintage and Beautiful
Like I said, I have a set of Values and Morals that will not be broken.  And I know this is the 20th century. I know times have changed.    But what changed with the times, in my opinion, shouldn't have.  Men should respect women wishes today, just like they did back then.  Courting or Dating, should be for the purpose of finding Mr and Mrs Right... not Mr and Mrs Right Now.   And though I did not save myself for marriage, I did marry him... and later divorced him for infidelity reasons, but that's another blog.

Would there be less divorces in the world, if men and women had the same Values and Morals today, as yesteryear?  Would our children carry on the same Values and Morals, if they hadn't changed with the times?  

When my children were small, I led them, by example.  I never put myself in a questionable situation, where my husband had to ever wonder what I was doing.  I never believed in the whole "let me ask my husband", but because of the vows I had taken, I made sure my actions wouldn't leave my husband guessing.  It's called Respect.  Now, if only he had done the same.

To this day, if some one should come calling for my son in law, even his brother... my daughter Tabitha, out of respect for her husband, will greet the guess at the door and talk with them on the porch.  Why?  Because of Respect... how would it look if she invited another man (no matter who it was) to step over the threshold of her husbands?  And my son in law, would do the same thing.  

I can't help who I am.  And, if I was only looking for Mr Right Now, it would bother me that Wolverine hasn't called.  But, I'm not looking short term.  I don't want just the intimate portions of a dating relationship, I want the whole relationship.  I want the unity of two people, bringing both of their lives together as one.  So, I wish Mr. Wolverine well.  I hope he finds what he is looking for, and if he should find the one that changes him,  then I wish him all the happiness in the world.  

Old settings are fabulous.
As for me?  I will keep looking, for some where out there is
my other half.  The one who shares the same Values and Morals
as myself.  One who wants to be treated like a Gentleman...
If you should see him, with his walking stick in hand, taking a stroll 
on the streets, whistling an evening tune;  please remind him gently,
that I am waiting....

I, so,  see myself in this era...

Friday, March 11, 2011

Got Ya'... Say Cheese..

I was looking through some of my photos.. and  thought I would share them with you... 

I hope you enjoy them as much as I do...

I love the way children look at each other,   Here are some "Another little person" shots I've captured:

Arianna  gets a closer look at Eli..

This was at Ihop on Thursday 3/10...  Arianna always gets right in Eli's face.. like she sees something no one else can... and maybe she does.

Again she looks at him in wonder and protecting the ball.

This one was taken at Chirstmas (2010) ..
Not only is Arianna protecting the ball from Eli,
but she looks at him as if, she has never seen him before.  Eli, clearly wants the ball, and maybe Arianna is giving him that "don't touch it look"..

Jayla and Arianna

Sisters, Jayla is closely checking out her little sister.  Arianna is 1 month old in this picture.. And i am sure Arianna is thinking, where did that big person come from..

To quote Jayla,  today, she said "Nana, all I hear is Sissy, Sissy, Sissy... I am really getting tired of it"..

Here are my "Mom, Don't worry, OK,.. everythings all right" Photos...  EVERY parent knows, with an open liner like that; the first thing we do is WORRY:

Seeing his face was a comfort..

The locker vs Sailor fight... The locker got in one good hit.. across the head.  A few stiches latter, and he was right as rain.  I on the other hand, wanted to take a red eye flight to him the second he said "Mom, don't worry.  I'm fine"

Bee Bee wounds.  James and his friend Jessie, letting it loose.  Need i say more...  Yes, as you can see he was fine..  And i am SOOO grateful for that, all the while saying "You could have lost your eye".  Just look at that face.. joking and laughing the whole time.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

My Inspiration.. My Daughter..

Find the Inspiration ..
Savor the Moments..
Enjoy the Laughter..  

There is nothing I love more then spending my days off with Tabitha.  My eldest daughter.  She is everything I always wanted to be... and never was.  

Her strength is one that, only few can measure.  
Her commitment to family, is endless.  
and Her laughter is, contagious to all. 

   "It’s her beauty that captures your attention. It’s her personality that captures your heart." 

Devotion to her husband and family, is the driving force of Tabitha.  Every second of her day is planned, every minute is spent tending to her house and keeping her boys going.  And she does it, while planning her dinner menu by noon.  Living every step, as if she is fulfilling the life she was always meant to lead. I have found that there isn't much Tabitha can't do, the talents she has been gifted with, leaves me (and many) speechless and in wonder.   

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Welcome Home...

I was standing out on my balcony tonight, thinking, I love apartment living.   I haven't always lived in an apartment.  There were times throughout my life where I had the yard,  the gardenias along the walk way, plenty of weeds to pull out of flower beds, ant beds to tackle, and creepy crawlies in the garage.  I loved that as well.

Our house in Fla.  Summerfield.

 Tender loving care is what we gave to our house.  Slowly adding objects, plants, and simple touches to make it reflect who we were. 

Laughter filled these walls from ceiling to floor, door to door.  Sweet was poured on every inch of the grounds.  It was Home... Our home.

 I would love to sit in the rockers at the entrance way.  The smell of the blooming gardenias was inviting.  And so pretty to look at.  During rainy days, I would watch as the black clouds moved in and rain danced along the leaves, moving each one so carefully, and just as quickly as the storm came, the sun would come out and brighten the green grass... add a glow to the flowers, and life would emerge.  Oh, there were some fum times at this house...  Our Summerfield getaway.  I shared this house with my daughter Tabitha, son in law, Cody and,  grandson Garrett.  Ask my daughter what was the best thing about the house, and I am sure she would tell you the kitchen.  It was big, and had more then enough room to entertain all the cooking that she loves to do.  And let me tell you, she can cook.      Now the Guys.  I think,  they loved the fishing more then anything.  No matter what time of day it was.. Cody and Garrett had a reel in hand. It was perfect father - son time, and Garrett soaked up every second of it.   The yard was big, and right outside our sliding glass door was a view every;  man, boy, father and son lived for... It was heaven...
Cody and Garrett

An endless fishing get away.  No matter what the reason, they found time to stand, sit, and walk around the body of water, casting reels and waiting for the bite that had their hands pulling in the BIG one.  It was the forget it all spot.  On, next to, or near this area, and they both forgotten that hard long day at work.. or the math test coming the next day.  Yep, their slice of heaven. 

It was where we all made our home.  Where family came and visited.  Friends stopped by to hang out on the rockers, and children played on a slip n slide in the back yard.  Home. 

Monday, March 7, 2011

A Navy Mom is born..

There are times in everyone's life, where the world seems to stand still.  Your breathing slows.  Days and nights run endlessly together.  You tend to go through the motions of you life in a thick fog.. Do you remember the day your world stood still?  Mine started in June, of 2008.

From morning to night, It seemed I cried almost every day... With love, fear, and pride bellowing in side of me, I became the Military Mom.  There were times I thought I would die through boot camp.  No, really.  Not knowing isn't a strong point of mine.  Neither is waiting.  These two triates (or lack there of) of mine, waited for me everyday, all day, for 6 weeks.  When my son first told me he had enlisted into the Navy, I was excited for him.  Happy of the decision he had made.  Supportive cheerleader of his PT (physical training) program.  And this was all on the outside.  It is very important to to express all my outer emotions to him and learn keep all others hidden in side.  And that is what I did... that is what I do.   My first born and only son, joining the military. Who wouldn't be worried.  Happy. Scared. Proudful.  I am all of this at the same time.  Some days, I think I have really lost my mind, I feel like two different people.  And there are days where I am right as rain.  Never really know what tomorrow will bring, until your feet hit the floor.

Who would have thought that listening to the radio while driving, would be such an emotional roller coaster.  Or that seeing another person in Navy uniform squeezes your heart. Or listening to (other) parents stories of children their returning home would make you want to scream.

"Excuse me, have you seen a screaming crazy lady running through here?"

My son James.. My heart..

There were plenty of times i wanted to do just that.  Really.  I mean, that was just through boot camp, because you surly have it together by the time the are stationed... right...go right on and keep telling your self that one.    When i look back at the Boot Camp Days... I realize what I became.  Besides a Crazy Screaming (Navy)  Military Mom.  I became a stalker.  Yep.  That was me.  and not a creeping stalker, nope.. I made it quite visible that I was stalking.  The Mailman became my new best friend, and had I the chance, I would have married him if it meant getting my letters any faster.  See, when James left for Boot Camp in Illinois, I began writing.. and every day I wrote.  I found a wonderful Navyformoms web site, and I joined it.  The ladies there helped alot, just that little internet connections, would at times keep me from going out of my mind.  The weekend before James had to leave for boot camp, he slept over our my house.  Like a baby, he slept in the guest bedroom, right across the hallway from mine.  It was such a comfort to know, I had him under my roof again.. though it was only for a short time.. I hold that memory closest to my heart.  It took me days to clean up the room when he left that morning.  When I finally did, With Tabitha's help (cause i could have cried the whole way through it) I found the perfect, unintended gift. As we were taking off the sheet to wash, out rolled one of the shirts James wore.  It was the best gift I could have ever asked for.  I hung that shirt out side of my closet (so i could see it every day) for the six weeks he was gone.. (not entirely true.. I still have that shirt) it was my focal point.  My rock.  That doesn't mean I was over my Screaming Crazy Lady faze, I still fight to keep her down, even to this day.

Every letter (and there were only a few) that came through the mail, was gold to me.  I read them, and reread them.. and every so often, bring them out to read them again.  I send letters to him every single day, letting him know I was right there with him.  Every step of the way.  Six weeks doesn't seem long right.  A drop in the bucket.  'Think of it like he is just away at collage".  Was one of the things I heard often. "Well, he chose to enlist, just accept it"  who said i was in denial, was another one i heard.  "What if he never comes back" can you believe someone literally said that to me.  "It's the Navy, he'll never have to deploy"  Do you think this person sat down and watch the news.  "I am so sorry to hear that"  Ouch, that hurt.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

The Day After...

 There is nothing prettier then watching a sunset.  It's not only the perfect way to end a day, but it's the promise of a new day coming.  Just look at the color whispering on the clouds..
The end to another Sunday.

A Sunday off.  What a wonderfully cool day it was to.  I didn't know what to do with myself.  So I decided not  to anything at all.  Well, that's not entirely true.  I'm planning a trip to New York in May with my mother, so I was busy checking out flights, and looking into taking a few tours.  We, my mother and I, want to see The Statue of Liberty,  The Empire State Building, and The World Trade Center Visitor site. Then there is; stop at the play ground named after my uncle Pfc. Carlos J. Lozada, meet with the 173d Airborne Brigade Chapter (also named after my uncle), and take a walk down Times Square.  I sure hope we can get it all done.  I can not wait.  I am so excited!!

While researching the world wide web for my New York trip;  I chatted with Paco and Jose, both in New York (via Facebook), and my friend Liz in Florida (also via Facebook).  I  talked to my ex, via Yahoo IM.  H mm, that is another blog.. Maybe.  One day.  OK.  Maybe not.  Anyway, I wanted to keep busy.   Keep my mind off of  two things.  First:  what happened Saturday.  Yes.  That still pledged me.   I found myself bothered because,  I hadn't heard from Wolverine all weekend.  Now, normally I wouldn't be concerned at all, but due to the fact that I chattered the whole time I was with him Saturday. Yeah.  I was worried.  Had I run him off.  Would he even want to see me again.  Worried that my, over charged mouth batteries, had said to much.

I can't figure it out.

I have no idea what came over me

You know how you feel and act when you meet someone you think is pretty great.  And nothing you say or do, is how you would normally day or do something.  You just feel like you're tripping over the same rock.  Stuck, in the Groundhog movie.  I just could not keep a secret while I was with him, to save my life.   All of the cobwebs in my closet were now completely gone.  And look, I still cant type out his real name.  *sigh*  he will always be Wolverine to me, I mean, he doesn't even look like a David.  Oh.  I have, what ever this is, bad.  To top it off, the movie Unstoppable;  is still in the DVD player, waiting for someone, anyone, to just push the play button.

In between thinking and remembering all the things I said, and things I did.  I was reminded of the other thing I didn't want to remember... 

Yes, This is the Yellow Bird House in my Blog. Pretty, isn't it.

My unwanted guest.

Three traps and,  he /she /it  has yet to enter any of them. Thanks to my, Official Trap Checker,  Ashley... I knew her living in the building next to me was going to come in handy.  With my thin flashlight, Ashley sweeps through the apartment, shining the light on each trap and checking to see if the Guest has check in.  Each day,  Nothing.  Why  does it seem, not only can I not keep my mouth shut, but I also get the great mouse escape story as well.   Are the star not lined up right?  Did I upset some earthy balance, and my punishment is Runth  The Mouth Syndrome and  Houdini. Mouse Prodigy.

The craziest thing of all...
The stupid thing had somehow gotten on top of my microwave...
that sits on top of my refrigerator...

Could this thing possible have wings???    That would be my luck.  Because if it was going to happen, there would be no need look any further, it would surely happen it me.  

I've made plans to pick up One Bite at the feed store in the morning.  If anyone knows about getting rid of Houdini, it would be farmers.  And maybe,  if the stars are in my favor, I wont wake up Tuesday morning to a dead mouse on my bedroom floor...  Not that I would want it still running around my apartment, no, that's not what I meant... One Bite would dry Houdini from the inside out.  Yuck.  That made me sick.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

The Wolverine Suprise....

The route Wolverine travels.  I.H. 35, right in front of my balcony. The rainbow is just the icing..

You know the days, your off of work and there is nothing to do.  That was my day.  Why did I even need to worry about getting dressed.  No one comes over but the girls.. I pulled my hair in one of those clips on the back of my head.  Put my flip flops on, and headed right for the kitchen.  First order of the day was coffee.  I am going to catch the morning news.. So i pulled open the hutch door, figured I better empty the bladder first and after that, I found myself at my desk until the coffee was finished.  Oh, the smell of fresh brewing coffee.  Sure does get the blood pumping, dont you think?

 I was checking out the latest blog updates {mycamokids is a fabulous blog}, and reading the latest Facebook postings {some wonderful Blue Star Mothers imformation}, even watching at a few "Soldiers Surprise Visits" on youtube {thinking about my son and shedding a tear or two} when my phone rang.      I thought it would be Tabitha or Ashley {my daughters}, or even my son James {who has the knack of knowing when his mother is having a military mom melt down} but to my surprise it was Wolverine.   There is just something about when he calls and my phone flashes his name.  Anyway, as I reached for my cell phone and scooted away from my desk, the butterflies were already stirring in anticipation of his voice.     

"Hello" I said, trying to sound calm and collective... "Well, Hello." he replied "I though I would catch you sleeping."  OK, so there was only one time where he called me and woke me up.  But that was only because I stayed up until 3:30am reading the archive blogs of The Pioneer Woman, and I didn't have to be at work until 2pm, so i slept in... until he called me at 8:30am that is.  "Oh no" I chuckled  "I was up bright and early this morning"  and it was the truth, I was out of bed by 7:30am {I even think it was before that}.   "You know, scheduled world peace, ran a few blocks, and even made time for a few cups of fresh coffee" I added.  There is nothing like his laugh.  "Well good.  A busy morning for you."  "Here we are, once again" I chimed in "you could have brought hot coffee and crescents rolls."  I often joked with him, if he was going to call early, he could at least provide breakfast.  

We joked about making sure we didn't stay in the "normal" classification of daily life.  "where are you working today" I asked  "every where" he said.  Some times he would ramble off places he had been already and places he still needed to travel to, and I would listen intently to each town or city {if that is what there were} like I knew where each place he named was.  As he neared his destination he said "Alrighty then, I will let you go, I have to pick up some forms at the office."  When ever he traveled to and from the office, he would travel on the highway right outside my balcony, knowing that made me all warm inside.  "OK, we'll have to do this again. And next time, bring breakfast."  With a chuckle on his end and a giggle on mine, we hung up.  Just like each time before, and as I press the end key on my cell phone, I sighed "oh, that voice."   

I came back to my room and settled in front of my computer.  I wanted to just surf.  Be care free.  It was my day off after all.  I was looking forward to just relaxing.  Fresh coffee in hand, and the world at my finger tips.  What could be better... and it surely wasn't going to get worse, or was it.  

Friday, March 4, 2011

Wolverine and lunch..

Bellowing clouds.  I think this picture is beautiful  ~ captured by Tabitha

No, he didn't call me right away.  It was almost a week later.  During my break, I looked at my phone and realized there was a missed call. I hadn't recognized the number {as a rule, I won't answer my phone if I dont know the number}, so i was hoping there was a voice message.  It was David AKA Wolverine, a short but sweet message.  For the next few days, and maybe it was weeks we played phone tag.  If he was out of his truck, the phone would just ring; and if i was working, it would ring to voice mail.  When we got the chance to meet for lunch, I jumped on it.  

We met at Lone Star Bar and Grill.  Wolverine was going to be in town during his lunch, and thought it would be the perfect time to sit down to a steak lunch.  Also because we had been talking on the phone one time, and he said something about taking me out for a real good steak meal.  I was very receptive of this idea, seeing how i so needed a good steak meal.  It was during this lunch, that I once again asked if he was married.. the answer was still no {can't blame a girl for double checking}, he didn't have any children... just a dog that acted like a child.  We talked about my sister Gladys who had died long ago, and the brother he lost a while back.  The sisters he visits with in Dallas and the Family I have in Florida.  I told him about the New York trip i was planning to take with my mother, he blankly looked at me, and then added "I am going to have to talk with your mother."  "What for?" I asked.  With out skipping a beat, he said "to make sure you come back."  I suddenly felt shorter in my chair, I think I might have melted just a little bit.  

The conversation was awesome, I hated to see it end. He paid for our lunch, and as we walked I said "I'm parked over here"  He answered "I know, I parked right next to you."  I caught quickly that he already knew my car by site.  He walked me right to the drivers door,  "We'll have to do this again" I smiled up at him, "I would like that very much."  A very gentlemen kiss, and we were on our separate ways.  By the time I was walking into my apartment, my phone was ringing.. Wolverine.  My heart leaped, he called to  tell me "I had a very nice time at lunch.  Thank you.  I look forward to another chance to take you out for a better steak.  That place wasn't very good. You didn't even eat all of yours."  I was touched deeply "The meal was fine, though I would love to do it again, I was just enjoying the conversation."  Shortly after, we said our goodbyes and hung up.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

The name is ~ Wolverine...

I love this picture.  It looks like the water is just going to spill right out.  Captured by Tabitha

I don't think there is a better feeling then new dating.  What I mean is...

* The feeling you get when you know he stopped by to see you while your at work.   
* Or when his calls seem to have perfect timing.  
* How about when you're out on your first date, and you both are so wrapped up in talking, that you barely touch your meal {well, I barely ate mine}.  
* And when he calls just as you arrive home from work and says, "Let's go out for drinks, I'll pick you up in a few minutes"  and your heart doesn't stop racing until the drink date is over.  
* Better yet, when he expresses his fear of your planned trip to New York; "Because" he states "What if you don't come back?"

I first met him while I was working at a local Shell Station.  I was the assistant manager, and he would stroll in during my night shifts, fill up his cup with soda and purchase lottery {scratch} tickets.  The first time I had seen him, and before we ever spoke a word to each other, Wolverine popped into my head.  And it stuck.  No matter who I talked to about him {and i did to some talking} I would refer to him as Wolverine.  That wasn't his name, and it wasn't until later that i would learn his real name, but that didn't matter.. He would always and forever be Wolverine.  Of course, he didn't know that.  Each time he visited the store, he would purchase tickets, and when he would ask me to pick them, he always won some of his money back.  He even suggested that I was lucky for him.  There was small talk, I dont even remember what it was we talked about, and I would sometimes work while he scratch his tickets, talk and watch me work.  I do remember feeling safe while he was around.  Comfortable, like being in front of a low glowing fire.  I remember the time we talked about marriage, and how I felt a wave of relief to learn he wasn't married.  His work kept him out at nights when I met him.  He works for the State of Texas, has been working for them for many years, a supervisor of multiple road crews.  It just so happened, they were widening I.H. 35, along the stretch of highway in front of my station.  Luck me.  We never exchanged phone numbers or never went out on a date.  It was just visiting while I worked.  I left that store after 1 year of working there, and lost all contact with Wolverine.  Until...