Saturday, March 19, 2011

A Battle. Brave Soul. Victory.

Armed with a vacuum.... A golf Club... A chair..... and two buckets.... I headed out for battle.  Where oh where were my Men in Black, with their high powered guns and tracking whit.  Has anyone seen them?!!

Good Fighting Bissell !!

I have had enough.  No more banging on my front door.  No more looking around corners and down the hallway.  I was taking my life back.  One way or the other.. The eviction papers were being served, and my Unwanted Guest was leaving.  With my great tracking abilities {Um, none}, and the fearless Armor I was wearing {Yeah, right; guess again,} I headed into battle.  Vacuum in one hand, Golf club in the other, and two buckets close by.  I march onto the battle field.  If I had a hard hat, shin guards, elbow guards, and a face mask; I would have worn them too.   No matter where I went, I turned on the vacuum. There wasn't anything to suck up, but I figured the noise would scare the day lights out of my Unwanted Guest, and just maybe it would run off, to some place else.  Any place else.

I had already planted my ammunition weeks before hand.  Three live traps to catch the beast.  A sticky one with tasty food.  And 6 bags of One Bite Bombs, one bite and it was history.  Oh yeah, I had it all figured out.  Victory was mine {wild woman laughs}, I would claim my land rights, my name would be flashing in neon lights all over the world, people would throw flowers at my feet.  

This was in the bag. 
I got this.

Such an rookie I am.  My Unwanted Guest stood back and laughed at every trap.  
"It couldn't hold out for long." I thought.   Who was I kidding?!?
Looking back to that day, what did I know, so sure of myself.    Dope! 
Every move around the apartment was accompanied with my loud vacuum.  It was a good thing my neighbor downstairs {and her 1 yr old son} wasn't home. Every inch was taken behind my brave Bissell.  Backed up by my Number 3 Radial Sole Golf Club.  Every trip to the rest room, to the kitchen, when I went out on the balcony, and back to my room.  I was completely covered.  Nothing was getting through my perimeter.
The bucket awaits instruction.

My plan of attack was, confine the Unwanted Guest to one area.  Wait for it to make a move, and ambush it with one of the buckets.  Complete surprise.  Wouldn't even know what happened.  With a heavy book to finish the attack..and then, no way of getting out ... Trapped.  

Funny how things seem perfect, when they are in your mind.  How brave you feel, until you scream.  How sure you are of yourself, until you realize:  You're standing on a chair ~ holding a golf club ~ with the vacuum running ~ in front of the dining room window; and the mini blinds are open... Yeah.  Um.  At any moment now, the people with their white, ironed, jackets are going to show up, hog tie me.. cart me off, and throw away the key. 

I seen little of my Unwanted Guest that night.  There was no bounce running.  No pop in and "here I am" jogs.  No quick blurs.  Yet, every move I made, was behind my trusty Bissell.  Every corner was looked over by, Number 3.  I was well protected.  

Shortly after 2am, I got up from my desk.  Leaving Bissell and Number 3 to rest.  As I walked out my bed room door, I looked toward the living room... huh, WHAT is that?  I couldn't tell.  I needed my zoom lens camera.  Drats!! .. I left it on the coffee table.  I knew if I could, just inch closer... Maybe, just maybe I could make it out.  What in the world was THAT?!?!.  There, under the love seat, yet it was close enough to the edge to be seen...  Yeah, that.  What is That?!?

I stood to the right of my bodice...

Victory was mine...  The battle was over....  I am QUEEN of the house.....  Who's your Mama!!!  

Careful not to be, to loud.  Not to be, overly joyful.  I backed up quietly, just in case it was a trap.  No movement.  I am sure I've won.  But... to be on the safe side.. I wait until day light.  If the Unwanted Guest was still at the same spot, VICTORY WOULD BE MINE, MINE, MINE {ECO voice}. 

At day light, I text Jonnie {the property manager}  "Oh Yeah!!!.  You know I have claimed my apartment!! The guest is GONE!! Come over, Hot coffee,  in celebration, for everyone.  On the house!!! " 

With the knowledge of Medical-Know-How, and a College Degree in Pediatrics. Plus, Residency and Clinical at Cooks Children Hospital;  Jonnie states.. "Heart attack is my guess.  Looks like you scared it to death."  
As she covers its body and carts it off, gonna be a funeral I'm sure, I left all the plans up to Jonnie.
Got dressed, and head to work.  Where there.. I spoke of a fearless battle.  Yes, I am QUEEN!!  The untouchable.  

LESION LEARNED:  It is just plain wrong to boost about things... Anything in fact.  Never count your chickens {or is it eggs} before they hatch.  

Work was wonderful.  At the end of my day, I knew there would be no more door pounding, before I entered my apartment.  No more standing outside with the door wide open.  No more larking around corners.  I was FREE!!!!

Without a care in the world,  I enter my apartment.  Coffee is brewing.  Oh, yeah.. the smell of fresh brewing coffee.  Some how, the air of Victory, seems crisper.  Fresh.   I change out of my work clothes.  My phone rings,  Ashley has some stuff to do, can  I keep the girls.. "Sure, not a problem. Bring them over."  

Laughter once again bounces off the walls, and filled the air.  The girls are running.  Chasing each other, from the living room to my bed room, and back again.  Smiles.  Giggles.  Tickling.  Jumping.  Pretending.  
Arianna beats Jayla into my room..

A Sisters Kiss.. as both girls pretend to fall asleep..

Say Cheeseeee....

'Nana, can we watch a movie?" Jayla asks
"Sure.  What movie do you want to watch." I reply
"How about cartoons." Jayla says
"OK.  Lets pile on the love seat, and see what's on PBS." I say. I reach for the remote.


"BUG!!!" Arianna screams.
Jayla jumps..
"See Dat Bug?" Arianna asks, as she points toward the front door.

My head turns. Following her finger, toward the front door... all playing in  s l o w  motion...

Shoot... The Unwanted Guest brought a Cousin.....

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