Grow Garden Grow...

There is a love like no other.. one that fills the heart to the point of explosion. When you become a parent. When my children were younger, I thought I couldn't be more complete. This was the life. How could it ever get any better than this. Sure, there were lifes ups and downs. More than a moment or two I wanted to scream from the top of a roof somewhere, in frustation. Of course things weren't 100% perfect all the time. What kind of world only serves juicy Red Apples. Cutting out the soft areas, the brown spots, and digging through the dull apples is part of what we all go through as parents. But even with all of the sour and bruised parts; hasn't being a parent filled you in a way like no other?

When your family extends past what you thought you could ever imagine, there is a point when you stand back and say to your self "I did that". By the grace of God above, I have filled my garden with fruit. Seeds will be planted and as the garden grows, so does your roots. My roots are growing and I could not be more proud. I am in parent heaven and I want to scream from the roof tops all my blessings. Who wouldn't want too? When something good happens in your life, don't you want to YELL it loudly. Don't you want to paint the town with color and run through the street with joy and glee. That is how I feel right now. That is how I am feeling this very second. I want to dance in the rain, paint the town, scream from a moving limo and pop a bottle of bubbly.

When life gives you all you ever dreamed of, even the bad stuff; isn't it the greatest feeling ever? Life took all that bad stuff, and the good stuff, and the stuff in the middle to bring us, ME, where I am today. Looking back.. I would not trade one single second. Minute. Day or weeks. Months or years of the bad stuff to get me to the good parts. And yeah, bad stuff happens, it will happen every second of every day of our lives. But sitting here *sigh* I wouldn't change a single thing. I wouldn't go back to cut out a soft or bruised part of my life. If I could go back and tell my younger divorced self anything in the world, I would tell her to hold on tight. I would "Matter what life throws at you, hold on like riding a rollercoster before it may not seem like it at this very moment, but the dips and runs will slow down and when you look turn to look when the ride is over; you'll see it isn't as bad as it seems." Oh goodness, when I think abck to all the stuff I stressed about.. Lord I seen not those were the small stuff. Who cares if my daughters hands were dirty, it didn't bother either of my daughters and really, no one cared about it. Who cared if my son took great pride in his apperance, no one really cared about it. Does anyone really? I stressed and cared so much about the small stuff, I was starting to miss what really mattered. The moments I found and now find, the greatest joy watching. All the little things that will slip right by if your not careful, while getting so caught up in the stuff that really doesn't matter one bit. I relized all of this when my grandchildren came along. I reminded my children not to sweat the small stuff, cause in the long run the small stuff doesn't matter at all. I thought there was no greater love than my grand babies. I was in Nana heaven. The amount of love I have felt being a grandparent is greater then that of a parent; if that is even possible. I think my head and chest grew 10 sizes then normal with pride. I walked in clouds everywhere I went and bursting it enjoyment I would proudly annouce my new title "Nana". It was the greatest, and still is, feeling in the world.

No one really prepares you to become a parent, and no one really prepares you for becoming a grandparent. You hear stories about how great it is, but no one talks about your seams busting with love. No one explains to you, that somehow the love is greater than the love you have for your children. I am here to tell you, the love is greater than anything you will ever experience. It goes without saying, the birth of my Great Grandbaby, is my newest greatest Love. When I tell you the pain and pride I have when looking at her pictures, is stronger than anything else I have ever felt. Make room in your hearts and get ready if you don't already have great grandchildren, because it is a feeling like no other. Being a caregiver for my mother, has left me 1300 miles away from my great grandbaby, so it is only through photos that I can try to bnd with her. Today was her first home bath, and the pain and love I felt watching her bath and hearing her cries of disapproval sent me into a tail spin of emotions. It was the greatest feeling in the whold wide world. Hopefully in the future, there will be a trip to see the baby with my mother. My hopes is being able to get a five generation picture, and make it a life time memory. It will be the first 5 generatioon photo in our family, and very important for family history. The baby may never really know her Great great grandmother, but the photo will capture the greatest love of them all. I am keeping my fingers crossed to give this memory to my mother when she turns 82 yrs old. So maybe in June. Fingers crosed and plenty of prayers. The last 5 generation picture taken was with my eldest daughter for the Shirley family. And it was the last photo taken with my eldest daughters great great grandmother, of course my daughter doesn't remember her, but the moment was captured forever. Just the amount of love captured while this frail Great great grandmother held her newest member of the family, says it all.

Seeing and knowing my garden grows, is the best ever. Our newest bundle of joy may not be my baby, but she is a part of me. Apart of my tree. And seeing the seeds that started with me sprout out and branch into groups of their own, has fulled my heart to the point of busting at the seams. I just love a big family. Be fruitful and become many.. and my little family is doing just that.