Thursday, June 16, 2011

Handing over the reigns ..

I had a bad Wednesday.  My car didn't start Tuesday early evening, the keys were not close enough for me to pick them up, or even walk to get them, plus the person who had the keys had no way of getting them to me.  The result, I walked to work, in the hot Texas sun.  While on my walking adventure to work, one of my eldest daughter, Tabitha, friend seen me walking and stopped.  Offered me a ride, in which I accepted.  An angel, no doubt.  Throughout my day at work, I brewed.  Steamed.  Boiled.  And eventually simmered.  That is until I received the most disrespecting text message.  Then I boiled slowly the rest of my day.

Now, don't get me wrong here, I am not interested in who was right and who was wrong.  Doesn't matter.  What is and was done, is done.  It is in the past, by far forgiotten.. but in the past.  The whole time I was brewing, the hurt pain grew.  The feeling was overwhelming, and I wanted to burst into tears.  For those of you who know me well, know that I will not shed a single tear in front of anyone.  Nerveless, it hurt.

What I learned as I went from brewing to steaming, was that I was thought to be so little, like crud beneath their shoe.   I realized at that very second, I had lost the power of ME.  No ones fault but my own.  I take full responsibility for that.  No one in life deserves to be treated like dirt, no matter who they are, what they have done, where they come from, or who/what back ground lingers in their history.  We are people.  Human.  Everyone should be treated with respect.  The more I gave of myself , the less  ME,  I had.

There are alot of types of people in this world.  I like to think there are more people like me in the world, not a bragging moment, rather a moment of honesty.  To know me is to understand that there isn't a single thing I would not do for another person.  Not a second thought would enter my mind if you needed the shirt off my back.  A ride to point A and B.. for the rest of your life.  I may not know my way around the kitchen, but you would never go hungry; even if it meant eating cereal every meal.  I give 110 percent of myself to those I know, where I work, and any relationship I am in.  That is just who I am. 

So, loaning my car, to a person in need... not a problem.  I work 8/9 hours a day, it would just sit in the parking lot.. go ahead, use it and just be here to pick me up when I get off.  I don't go anywhere after work, still need the car; alright go ahead just remember I have to be at work the next day at ___am.  Don't forget to pick me up.  Need a sitter for the children, no problem.  I am not out running around on my days off, bring them over.  I will keep them, feed them, play with them, and put them to bed.  Not ever batting a single eye.  

Why, you ask?...
Cause it is better then being alone. 
Cause I don't do anything else with my time.
Cause I know, deep down inside, people are Good.
Cause a person is in need.  
Cause it IS who I am.

We are hurt.  Confused.  Bruised.  Wiser.  Careful.   The price paid is a great one, doesn't make it any easier, doesn't take the pain away.  Seems like pain is visiting for a little while, guess I better just make room for it Huh?  It should at least be comfortable while it visits.  

On the up side, yes there is an up side, I got the car started Thursday morning.  That is great news, if the sequence code had been followed from the beginning, it would have started two days ago.  Maybe none of this would have ever happened, then again can't stop fate, what is meant to be, will be.   More then my car starting, was what happened as I was going through this bad morning.  Before the car got to my apartment.  Before the text.  Before walking to work.  

The pictures throughout this blog, was the sunrise I woke up to Wednesday morning.  Some how, I was comforted throughout my morning, just by the vision of the sun and clouds.   It was a bad day yes, but a blessing in return as well, seeing this sunrise gave me hope.  

I hope you enjoy the pictures, and remember, when times are tough.. look up.

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