Very wise words come from the places least expected. As a single parent, I have often given the best and worst parts of myself. I think all single mothers do. Though my children never longed for anything, and I gladly went without to make sure they had the very best, the biggest area I failed them was in happiness. Not theirs; but mine.
"A flower like the rose, is perfect, and giving a
women a dozen of them is like saying
There is such a thing as perfect and
it is out there. Don't give up.
You'll find it..."
The work of a single parent is never done. There is the 9 to 5 job, and then there is the second, and hardest job, and it begins at home. Times were tough, sure , what American family doesn't have their ups and downs? Yet, when happiness would come calling for me, I often did not answer. Contentment was within my children. I learned long ago, that nothing last forever. Forever was an impossible dream, even for the dream I was chasing. Knowing what you want, and getting it; are two totally different things. With my dream relationship out of my reach, and the vision of my perfect man unfindable; I lived the idea of what I thought happiness should be.
Maybe someone should have pulled me aside and told me; you can't love enough for two people. In fact, I've learned that you have to project the love you carry inside of yourself; onto the person it is meant for. There is no Perfect Relationship, unless it is with the person with whom you fell in love with, in the beginning.
"It has to start with a beginning...."
For years I thought, there was no such thing as a Perfect Relationship. Who ever thought there was, is simply out of their minds. Oddly enough {rather, NOT oddly enough}, throughout those years I have talked to many women, and some men as well, who believe just as I did. Perfect? Just what is the definition of Perfect anyway? You Dictonary.com tells me the answer to this very question: Perfect ~ Complete in all respects; without defect or omission; sound, flawless. In a condition of complete excellence, faultless; most excellent; sometimes used in comparatively ....
I would be lying if sitting here I said "sure I've had many great loves"; in truth I couldn't even begin to tell you what that word even meant. Love. Humph, would I ever even know what it truly feels like? Could the explanation of such a small word, L O V E, even begin to open this closed heart?
"The greatest thing in life to fear; is fear it's self...."
Throughout my young adult life, I would never let anyone close enough to even capture my heart. I would distance myself, use the excuse that I was "to busy with my children to get involved". or "My family needs me first". Goodness, I have even said "I don't like someone else walking into my family and telling my children what they can and can't do". Through it all, my heart was saved. Protected for the love of my life. When I found him of course. I wanted the fairy tale, but not those we read to our children. I wanted the love, in the fairy tale. I can remember telling my cousin Desi when he asked me one day, who was the lucky guy; I responded "He hasn't found me yet, but he will. He's coming. I can feel it."
"Orchids
Float in the water.. So Delicate and Beautiful
A Women in love ~ is as an Orchid...
Floating on a cloud of infinite possibility... "
Not one single time was hope lost. Faith forgotten. Dreams brushed aside. I pushed on searching, waiting for the Perfect Man to find me. One day, while sitting at my computer and searching through a list of "people you might know" I came across one of my high school teachers from East Bay High School, Mr. Roy Rogers. A friend request and an acceptance leas to a simple question "Do you remember this picture, and why or what it was taken for?" A scanned picture, and fate was knocking at my door. I searched the faced of the picture, adding names to those I remembered, and staring into the face of just one. After all these years, I was looking into the face of the Perfect Man I have searching for.
It is funny how we, as humans, can push aside the daily trials of life. Set aside the wants we have. Learn to live with just the necessities. There is one thing that can not be fooled ... and that is our hearts. The ache I felt looking into that photo, was greater then anything I have ever felt. As my heart raced, I literally had to grab my chest, just to ensure it wasn't going to leap out of my skin. I eventually responded to the request of Mr. Rogers; and for days waited; watching the photo for a comment. Longing to see his name pop up and place a quote, under the photo. What I received was more then I could have ever hoped for. A private message soon displayed on my computer monitor, as I sat in aw over his simple words "Hi, how are you.?". What seemed to me as hours, I couldn't take my eyes off of his question. Not only was fate knocking at my door, but there he traveled ... 1300 miles to Texas, to my apartment, so my internet connection, to me.
"Knowing her Perfect Man,given the chance,
could be anywhere in the world;
and seeing that he would
rather be with her. Because life is better,
with her by his side..."
Fate alone is wondrous to behold, but put it along with love ~ and a Beautiful thing comes alive. Many thanks to a high school teacher of long ago, Mr. Roy Rogers ... For bringing fate to Texas; For a Senor photo I insisted the Perfect Boy take with me ... For connecting me with the Perfect Man... To my daughter Tabitha ~ for the wise words; Thank you for letting me know it is ok for me to let go and be happy. And to the Perfect Man, Paul ~ Thank you ... You complete me..
