Are you my Family...

Do you remember how I spoke of my Ex husbands Shenanigans? His cheating with his cousin and them having a baby before our mariage, 42 to 43 yrs ago. Well, I did a thing. I had a DNA test done through 23andMe a few years ago. Maybe even more than a few years ago.. like closer to 8 years ago, give or take a year or two. Anyway, my eldest daughter found this company where you can have those test results run against others who are also looking for family. And I did it. You might be asking, Why would I need to have my DNA run against others? Because, young ladies and young men, will always be young ladies and young men. Let me start from the beginning. I know perfectly well who my father is, never had any doubt, and of course I know who my mother is without a shadow of doubt; so why have my DNA test run by a third party you ask? It is because young men and young ladies will always be young men and young ladies. I am still young at heart, and as we all know... Sex doesn't just happen when your married. Just because my father married my mother and had 5 children, doesn't mean he and my mother were eachothers first sexual partners. Even back in the 1930's. You never know who got pregnant and didn't tell, who got pregnant and choose to give the baby a better life, or who choose to continue other relationships while being married. This was a lesson learned in the case of my Ex husband. So far, my children have found 2 other EXtra relationship 1/2 siblings. At this point, I have become immuned to the Ex husbands extra marital affairs. Frankly I am expecting more 1/2 siblings to pop up for my children. I would be very surprised if they didn't. Did I tell you, at one point it was thought I had more children that my own children did not know about! A first it hurt {the question}, and I had to gather my composure after learning about the first half sibiling... Who am I to question what they should or shouldn't believe. So, I picked up my defeated head, straightened my invisible tie; and pushed on with any and every question thrown at me. The results you ask? Of course I know who was in my body, and who came out of it. Nothing to hide here at all.

Now on to what I was talking about. I had my DNA run through 23andMe, by the way.. really good company, but very hard to make a family tree from them. But the medical stuff they can tell you; invaluable. And now I know I do not carry the BRACA gene. Either of them. Then my daughter suggested I have my Raw DNA from 23andMe sent to GEDmatch. By sending my DNA to GEDmatch, they will run my segments against others who are looking for parents, grandparents, family members; and even children that were placed for adoption. I had no problem with it. Like I said, I know perfectly well who went in me, and who came out of me. So what would be the harm. And it would be a plus for me. I was searching for my fathers family and maybe, just maybe, they were searching too. So with out a single thought, I google searched How to request my Raw DNA from 23andMe. Bam! Look at that, the "how to" results popped up and I was in DNA business. I requested my personal Raw DNA, and within 7 - 10 business days those results were in my Inbox. "You've Got Mail". I must admit my heart was racing. Could this be the breakthrough I needed? Will the family names of my fathers brothers and sister dance off the pages at me? Boy was I shocked!! Now it takes someone who knows how to operate GEDmatch, to be able to explain the inner workings and exactly what I needed to do to get the answers I was looking for. I was so lost at first, I simply gave my eldest daughter my login and password information, along with my personal Raw DNA Kit number and told her to have at it. She had her Raw DNA from MyHeratige placed on GEDmatch, and knew better how to navigate the system. Once she figured it out {plus I had nothing to hide}, we facetimed and I learned enough to understand what I was looking at, and looking for. Let me say this; I was not prepared for the amount of people I share "segments" with. There was no "Dancing" family names across my PC. That would be just to simple. What I did get was over 3000 people I am related to. That is a whole lot of close family, and far distant family. So the questions began; How far back do I go, and who do I want to contact? I took my eldest daughters advise and had my Raw DNA also loaded to MyHeratige, what could it hurt.. Right? The thing with GEDmatch, is you get names and email address, with 23andME you get a drop down list and matches with names, photo of the operator of their page {only if they personally uploaded a photo}, and on MyHeratige you get a photo picture {again if they loaded one to their tree page}, and a email address as well as how many sigements you are related to them. Jackpot!! For those who loaded photos, I could physically see what they looked like, thier about age {50's, 60's and so on}, an email address, and a way to personally send them a privite message. I was in perverbial ancestory tree heaven. I sent out as many messages I could send, introducing myself, sharing excitement that we were matched via DNA as family {and how.. cousins, 2nd cousins, 3rd cousins and so on} gave a run down of my basic tree. In each privite message I send on MyHeratiage I included both my parents full names, both my perternal grandparents full names, and both my maternal grandparents full names. If you are spanish, you understand the need for "Full" names. And I waited. Now for each privite message sent on Myheratiage, an email notification would be sent to the recipient. This, in my mind, would help move things along and speed up the connection. For one of the privite messages sent out I got a reply. There is a strong connections in segiments between myself and the first recipient, the last names I shared with this particular recipient are familiar to her and her mother, however the first names are not. This I have found is very common. To explain this let me back track for a second. My mother is 81 years old and although she remembers somethings, she is at the point in her life where some memories have escaped her. She can remember some of my fathers siblings, but not all of them. Looking through old censes on Ancestry I can ask.. "Mom who was so and so?" and at that moment she might not remember. Then again in a few days, it is like a light comes on and she can remember other things. It is a game of cat and mouse. Hit and Miss. You get the jest. While taking this journey I have learned one very imporant thing, get all the information you need for lineage as soon as possible. It may not seem important now, but trust me it will be very important later on in life. Back to what I was saying, I definitely have a connection with recipient number one, and it is more likely to be through a brother or cousin on my pertanal side, as the last names are the same as myself. But then we have to remember, marriage changes the last name in woman. Hence the importance of "full" names. The second recipitent responded within a few days, more closer to a week. Keep in mind, not everyone sits by their PC and checks their email or keeps their Family Tree Website open all day long, seven days a week, 365 days a year; myself excluded ofcourse. This Family search has taken on a life of its own.. My Life. So I converse back and forth with recipitent number two and share my basic family tree information, to see where the connection lies. Don't forget now, your DNA is 50% your mother and 50% your father plus, your grandparents. So take that pie and divide it into 4's, not 2's. A Connection can be from anywhere withing those four slices. With the second recipient, we narrow it down to his father, and the connection takes on a life of its own. It seems his mother had another relationship with someone other than who he call "father" all his life, and WHAM.. just like that, we are connected by 115.57 segiments. That is a 3rd cousin connections. Although my heart strings are tugging for him, I am jumping for joy that I have, at least, been able to narrow down one person fully to my DNA match. This gentleman took his DNA 5 yrs ago and learned his "father" {as he personlly typed out} was not his biological father, and thus began his hunt to find his biological perternal side. You may be asking "why didn't he just ask his mother?", well sadly enough she passed when he was 10 yrs old and then the "father" he had grown to believe was his biological father, passed when he was just 17 yrs old. Sad right? Now this grown adult, who is in his 60's, is trying to piece together the missing links. My DNA connected us both together and knowing it is on his biological side helps 100 percent. He was able to find out {maybe through his mothers family, I am not sure} that his mother did have a short relationship with a young man while he was stationed in Fort Bliss. A Soldier, a uniform, wild parties, dating; all I could see in my head as I was reading his privite message was the movie Pearl Harbor. Sorry, I am a hopeless romantic. When you start out looking for family and wanting to build something your future family can look at and physically see, one tends to find themselves with multiple family trees. I have a Family Tree on 23andMe, on MyHeritage, and on Ancestry; I am sure there are a few others but at the moment these are the three I use the most.

I always wondered as a little girl why my grandmother Rodriguez would put marriages, births, baptisms, and deaths in a book called "Family Bible", now I know why. What I wouldn't give to have that book now. To just think of all the family history captured from her years of collecting, writing down, and memorializing our family lineage. What I wouldn't do to go back years, just to hear of the stories, dates, names, and events that made us family. And having paper & pencil wouldn't hurt either. To think of all I missed by simply not really paying attention. When the monarchs of the family are gone, so does the portions of family history not captured. We crave the information we missed out on. The older we get, the more we realize how important information is to who we are and where we come from. What our families did and went through in attemps to give us a better life. It really blows my mind the more I learn. Back to my second recipient.. sorry for getting off track. As I get the information from my new found third cousin and learn his father was stationed in Fort Bliss, I inform him of my Ancestry tree and that I would search through my many records and see who in my family was stationed at Fort Bliss. Like a ton of bricks, there is is. Only one family member was stationed at Fort Bliss.. A Cousin of my family, born in 1936. An Army Soldier. A Sergeant. A gentleman I have candid pictures of during family gatherings. A family member we all reguarded highly. Now having said that, rest assure there is no ill will to my cousin or my new found 3 cousin. What happened in the past happened, and it has brought me a new family member. There are so many "What ifs", on boths sides.. who knows what either of them were going through. It is not mine to guess, judge, or speculate. Thankfully, my new found third cousin feels the same way. So what is going to happen you might be asking? Well, I will share the information on his possible father.. I will give him the names, dates of birth, and any information he might need to go forward. My cousin {his possible father} married, never had children with his wife {we never questioned why}, lived a very full life, and died in 2018 knowing his wife of many years was right by his side. I only wish I could give my second recipient better news. Nothing like hearing after five years of searching for your biological father to learn, he died 5 years ago. Do your family a favor. Start your Family Lineage now. Hold all that information to the highest reguard. Place it all neatly someplace safe and make sure to leave it all to the one you feel will carry on the family lineage tradition. My eldest daughter is doing that now, getting bits of information from my side of the family, and bits of information from her husbands side. Plus remember, when you have a split family; it is even more important to learn everything you can and keep it safe for those who will be left behind when you are no longer the Matriarch. Give your family, the leg up they need now.. so the struggle isn't so hard for them later on. And NO, this is not a sponsered post. I am getting paid nothing for any type of plug by naming the Family Tree Websites I personally use, this is coming from a woman who did not grown up knowing her fathers family and longs so very much to connect to anyone who is blood related to my father. They are the only connections I have left with him, and my heart is calling out to them.