Sunday, July 24, 2011

OCD, Goodbyes, and The Goose Egg...

 Through out our lives there are; bridges, crossroads, hills, twist, turns, and everything else we "don't" think we can handle.  I had come to the end of my rope during the week of 7/9 ~ the "Move" week.  You know, when you are still working a 40 hour job and coming home at 9pm, only to realize there are still "last minute" items to pack up.

Funny how those items just seem to multiply all by themselves.  Right?

Who can think of cooking in an apartment full of packed boxes and disorganization?  Not me, and that is an understatement.  Lets just say.. ODC and Moving do not mix.  No matter where I turned, a box was looking back at me.  If I closed my eyes and reopened them, more items to pack appeared.  I could not get away from the madness and felt like I was going to loose my mind.

 Moving mode

Now, if you have followed my blog in the past; you will fully understand what I am talking about.  I like things neat, clean, orderly; A mess and me under the same roof, not a good idea.  It just isn't in me to leave things out of place.   

 Before move

 The faster we just loaded things in the uhaul, the better things would be.  So I thought.  What a silly thing to do, assume. 

 The girls and the grand babies were waiting for me when I arrived home from work.  One last family gathering, everyone together, and then the moving will begin.  Paul and Cody had already loaded the sofa, love seat, and television.  The rest would be a breeze, again I was assuming.  It was the best feeling ever to have the family around me on the last day in Texas.  I knew it was going to be hard moving, and I knew I would miss my daughters and grand children very much, but with all the other planning,  I forgot to prepare for the pain when I laid eyes on them all; and when we all said good-bye. 

Good Byes

I stood on the front breezeway with my sweety as everyone left and pulled away.  I wanted to die.  Stop breathing.  Scream for them to wait, and then beg them all to come with me.

How do you start a life ~ after your children are grown?  I have no idea how to be me ~ without them all.  I fought hard to keep the lump down.  Hold the tears back.   Push forward in this chapter of my life.  The one where my children and grand children aren't within arms reach of me.  The one where I drive away, and leave them to their own family... building their own lives.  Without me; and me without them.

If there is one thing I have learned; pour yourself into work when the going gets tough.  That is just what we did.  Boxes were first, and my sweety and I carried them down one by one; step by step; right into the back of the truck.  It seemed in a blink of the eye; the sun escaped, the sky turned dark, and the moon shone the way back to the apartment front door. 

The Moment

I was lost in myself and the pain of good byes.  The feeling of not seeing my children daily had sunk my heart.  The worry and excitement of my new beginnings swelled around inside of me.  I could only think to keep my feet moving, it was the only way I knew not to fall to pieces.  Instinctively I reached for Paul, and quitely we walked together toward the apartment, guided by the moon light, hand in hand. 

On about the hundredth trip carrying boxes, we had worked out a system in the silence, Paul stayed in the truck stacking the boxes and making sure everything was a stacked in a good tight fit, and I carried the boxes down the steps and placed them on the back of the uhaul.  As my sweety arranged everything, I would head back upstairs for another box.  It was during one of these trips, where I ran into the back of the trailer hitch.  I was working on a good stride, getting ready to head back up the two flights, so I turned and took two full steps when...

WHACK.!!  Shin made contact with trailer hitch.

LIMP..  %&@*!
LIMP..  @*}!#
LIMP..  UGH !!!

Being the trooper I am, we pushed forward while I took deep breaths through my gritting teeth.  The more I walked, the less it seemed to hurt.  Once we stopped for a rest it was back to..

LIMP... {*&@#!

Right about the time the goose egg appeared, we stopped for the night.  I sat in one of the balcony chairs with ice on my leg {thanks to my sweety, for the ice and putting up with my "it hurts to keep the ice on it" crying}while Paul made us dinner.  He is such a wonderful caring person.  I am truly lucky to have him. 

!! OUCH !!

With just two balcony chairs in the living room and a television sitting on an end table, Paul and I ate our last dinner in my apartment.  What a creative cook he is.

Potatoes and eggs {over easy} topped with cheddar cheese. Yummy !

There we sat.  My sweety with a grin on his face, a wink tossed in my direction, and a dinner plate on his lap; while I battled with OCD and a dysfunctional apartment, a hatching goose egg on my shin, and a dinner plate in my lap.  What a site we must have been to each other.  I think the best words ever heard that night; was "lets call it a night baby, and finish the rest tomorrow".  Music to my ears.  It was like Paul said we won the Lotto. 

Oh yeah.. before you go I have one more thing to show you...

 My Sweety

This is what happens; when the love of my life turn his back while I was holding the camera.  As my sweety was standing beneath the yellow light taking down the Temp Gauge, I could not help myself.  There's  something about a man with tools hanging from his belt.  

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