My childhood wasn't like the typical childhood of today. My father died in 1978, and my mother remarried in 1979. Having a step father brought on new surprises, new adventures. Journeys I had never experienced with my mother and father. There were extended step families. Vacations we had never taken with my mother and father. My step father slowly distanced us children {their were 5 of us kids} from our fathers family; and before long, the distance between my mothers family and us kids grew as well. What was once weekly family gatherings with my mothers family side, became far and few between. My step father was a creature, but that's a story for another day.
When I say we did not have a childhood like children of today, I mean anything your teens would do or be allowed to do today; we were not allowed to do. There wasn't girly sleep overs; and how I missed being able to say I had big slumber parties with my girl friends. Nope, we were allowed sleep overs or slumber parties with one person only, our one girl cousin would was our age. And when she was younger, she live in New York. So sleep overs were when she would fly down for summers or spring breaks. No other sleep overs were allowed. We were allowed to have a boy friends; one date a week and a single 15 minute phone call from friends {boyfriends included} a day. So if a friend called and we spent 15 minutes talking to them, no other calls was allowed for the day. Crazy right? Well the best part of that {enter sarcasm here}, was the 15 minute phone calls were received while sitting next to the recliner of my step father, so he can listen to the whole call. Like I said before, it was quite the journey with my step father.
Any woo, like I stated earlier, when it came time to date my ex-husband it was only one day a week and that was Fridays. My ex had a car and we would always go to the drive-in movie theater. He would pick me up by 7pm or 7:30pm {depending on then the movie started}, we would buy popcorn or a mini pizza, and drinks for the movie. There were even times we would notice my mothers car or my step fathers truck a few rows in the back. Always under watchful eyes. It was never "normal" dating, and never really alone. I thought I had the best catch. That he was the greatest guy. Even with all my parents put us through, he was right by my side. Making sure to prove to my parents he was upstanding and a perfect gentleman. Yeah, and so we all thought.
We were married and had two children. I could not have been more blissful. A place to live, children, and what I assumed was the perfect marriage. That is until I learned of his affair. One night while he was off of work {he worked the night shift} I woke up to find the spot next to me empty. Wondering where he was, I walked down the hallway and found him on the sofa talking on the phone. He called out a coworkers name, a woman, and as most young women do; I thought it was simply one coworker helping another coworker with paper work. "And so the Lion fell in love with the Lamb; what a Stupid Lamb."
It wasn't until I drove to my ex-husbands parents house one day, to let the children visit and play with their grandparents, aunts and uncles; that I learned the truth. I was freshening up my make up in the bathroom when my ex-husband sister walked into the bathroom and asked me "are things bad with Mr. X and you because of Miss XYZ?" the look on my face told her I had no idea that Miss XYZ was even a problem; but I knew then. My reply or lack there of, said it all, and the young sisters mouth dropped. She had spilled the tea, beans; and set off the bomb. I played nice. Never let the family know that now I knew. That Miss XYZ had even been to my in-laws house and knew all of the family members. Now I knew it all. I kept every ounce of betrayal, discuss, pain, and hurt from them all. In my head I wasn't going to give not one single one of them the satisfaction of crawling into the hole I so desperately wanted to crawl into. I drove home with my children, and once I got there I opened up the old fashion yellow pages and started to search for a divorce attorney. When my ex-husband walked in and asked what I was doing, I told him truthfully. "Searching for a divorce attorney so you can live happily ever after with Miss XYZ. I know the whole truth now Mr. X. There is no need lying. It was quite an enlightening day with your family."
To say the least. That was the beginning of the end. I thought I was putting an end to a man who had the intentions of having a marriage and a mistress on the side. Boy, was I wrong. Know the saying "You never really know somebody. No matter how close you are to them." Well, I would learn just how much I didn't know about my Ex-Husband and his family when I was 59 yrs old.
Funny thing about taking a DNA test; what you think is hidden in the dark, always comes to light. So back in 2020, a young lady takes a DNA test to find her Bio fathers family. Only this young lady learns the man she called dad for years; wasn't her father at all. Can you imaging finding out something like that, when you now are married and have young children yourself? Can you imagine searching for your deceased fathers family, and learn that the man you grew up to adore was never your bio father in the first place? Oh, how my heart sunk for this young lady. But, while hearing about this young lady's struggles; I learned her actual bio father was my Ex-Husband. And this young lady was born 1 yr before my ex-husband and I were married. How is that for a bomb! Yep, my ex-husband was cheating on me even while we were dating, and had a daughter. His mother knew, his uncles, and at least 2 or 3 of his siblings; and no one ever said a single word to me. The worst part, as if it could get worse, was the woman he has the child with; was one of his cousins. Like WHAT? And this cousin attended our wedding with her baby and her new husband. And even then, not a single word was uttered to me about their affair, about him getting his own cousin pregnant, and the little baby she was holding at our wedding, was in fact my new husbands baby. Quite the family, right?
When this baby, now a 42 yr old woman, learned about all of this, her life being twisted and turned upside down, I am hearing about my own children's struggle with learning they now have a half sister, who was though to be their cousin. Of course I had my own struggles. I had the same feelings I felt the day I learned about the one {or what I thought was one} affair he was having. Eventually, the waters did recede, and all children involved {adults themselves} survived this traumatic experience; learning you never really do know somebody... Not even a parent.
And just I learned... I was the Test Tube Dummy for the life of multiple woman he would con and deceive, and the children he left in the wake. 4 marriages in total for him, and 7 children later, those conceived in marriages and affairs and some who never knew about the others; have learned the truth about him, and a very painful valuable lesion... What is hidden in the dark, will always come to light.
